Cowgar Family Adventures

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Meaning of Life

On Monday, Luke had a visit with the rheumotologist to try and diagnose his knee problems. She ordered a ton of blood work, and he is to see her again on March 12th. His ANA test came back positive, which she said "Your Lupus test came back positive." The other blood work ordered corresponds with trying to identify an auto-immune disorder. It's hard not to worry about it until next Friday, but with the research we've done so far, it does sound like he has quite a few symptoms of Lupus, though Lupus does act like a lot of other auto-immune disorders, so it could be something else disguised as Lupus. We won't know until his next appointment. It's hard to imagine for both of us that he may have some kind of a "disease". I guess growing up, you never really plan on being with someone who has problems, or imagine yourself as the one with problems, so it's a little hard to swallow on both of our ends. The important thing is trying to figure out what we can do to keep his symptoms low-key, so he can have the most normal life we can provide, whatever the diagnosis may be.

Life tends to look a little different after something like this happens. We think back, that if he hadn't finally called a doctor, that clot could have killed him. With that in my mind now, I don't feel nearly as stressed about housework, or getting ready for Lexi's birthday party this weekend. There are things I want to get done, no question, but I won't be nearly as upset if they don't get done, because in the end, who wants to remember nothing but house projects and stress. We will both want to remember fun times with the girls, and the laughter and joy we can all bring into this house. So the work will get done when it gets done.

I've had problems lately enjoying being home with the girls. Not many people have this opportunity, and I feel horrible that I don't enjoy it all the time like I think I should. Looking at life with these new set of glasses is slowly teaching me that I will love it more, when I don't stress about the small things.

So excuse the dirty dishes, the pajamas worn all day, and the tangles in the hair. Please excuse the clutter messes, unswept carpet, and toy covered living room. We are a family that is home together all day, every day. We live here, it is our home, and it is full of life and excitement.

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